Saturday, September 24, 2011

A New Chuck Norris Fact

Time slows down the closer you get to the center of a black hole because that is where Chuck Norris Hangs out.
[ I made up this one, 2011-09-22]  

When I told it to my son, he said: "Time would just run away." 

To which I replied: "Nothing can escape Chuck Norris."

Sunday, May 1, 2011

The Math and Logic of Yogi Berra

Math
  • You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
  • A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
  • Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.
  • Another variation: Ninety percent of this game is half mental.
  • Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
  • You have to give 100 percent in the first half of the game. If that isn't enough, in the second half, you have to give what is left.

Logic

  • The future ain't what it used to be.
  • I really didn't say everything I said.
  • I usually take a two hour nap from one to four.
  • Never answer an anonymous letter.
  • In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
  • Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.
  • On why NY lost the 1960 series to Pittsburgh: We made too many wrong mistakes.
  • It gets late early out here.
  • If you don't know where you're going, you'll wind up somewhere else.
  • If I didn't wake up I'd still be sleeping.
  • I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.
  • We have a good time together, even when we're not together [talking about his wife Carmen].
  • Asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations, Yogi said "I'd say he's done more than that!"

[Various online sources, including YogiBerra.com's Yogi-isms and Retrogalaxy.com's Yogi-Berra]


Monday, April 25, 2011

Have You Conside that ...? (Thinking differently)

Fact: Most people have more than the average number of legs.

[Source: Joke #25, "31 Jokes for Nerds", YouTube Video, posted by Vlogbrothers]

(This observation is correct for all parts of the body.)